Maintaining a Joint Family- Its Necessity Today

The age of the joint family has more or less gone, and in its place has come the nuclear family. There used to be one large family, with parents and their children living together and then subsequent generations marrying and raising their next generation under the same roof to create one huge joint family. However, this has been rendered thoroughly unfeasible and impractical in the modern milieu. The breakdown of the traditional social system wherein one's profession generally was chosen based on factors of caste or class is a prime contributing factor. Modern economic life has spawned innumerable careers and specializations and the pursuit of individual careers often leads to sons leaving their parental home. Moreover, the phenomenon of brothers living together after their marriages, forming an extended joint family is also becoming rare. We are thus witness to the proliferation of divided families and in the process, a dissipation of the unified strength, energy and creativity of both individuals and society.

The problem does not simply remain confined to the breakdown of joint families. In this process, families and societies also witness the unfortunate spectacle of egoistic tendencies rising to the fore to dominate mutual relationships. While respect for elders and unquestioned obedience of their word was the norm in earlier times, disrespect of the older generation has assumed the status of fashion today, often worn as a badge of one's distinct identity. This is the result of individual egos that have been pampered beyond measure and have not been tempered by familial discipline and upbringing. The resultant social chaos is but one manifestation of this.

What can be done to arrest this trend, which is leading to social and national in-cohesiveness and alienation? We must recognise that the automatic resurrection of the earlier joint family is not a feasible project, at least in the immediate term. However, Indian tradition offers the way out of this social chaos. The Ramayana states: Guru Pita Matu Bandhu Pati Deva, Sab Mohi Kahen Jaanain Dridh Seva. In other words, we must treat our teacher (guru), father, mother, elder brother and husband(s) as the Divine Himself and be ever ready to serve them with faith and devotion.

Why should we do so, one may ask. It is therefore necessary to manifest the practical aspects of the message contained in the Chaupai. This will bring out the virtues of an integrated family and its inherent advantages compared to a separate and disparate family. The advice to consider one's elders as 'Deva' ordinarily meaning divine of God, is actually a way to inculcate a respectful outlook towards fellow human beings. After all, every individual desires to be respected and looked up to. This is possible only if this outlook is developed at an early age, when the sublime ego can be trained. Respect for elders, especially, parent, teacher and husband forms the touchstone of this particular aspect.

'Seva' meaning serving others, is another aspect that needs to be understood in a wider context. Contrary to the notions generated, 'seva' is actually the training ground in the family for building a positive attitude and outlook. 'Seva' apart from its mundane inference of serving others, is actually an investment by every individual in the family for every other. It is an investment of time, effort and financial resources to inculcate discipline, build relationships, develop positive virtues and nurture a long-term goodwill between parents and children, teachers and students, and between siblings, so that its benefits can be enjoyed over generations. These are possible only in a family that is blessed with integrity and closely-knit bonds. They are not obstacles to individual success but actually enhance the individual's worth and make him a more balanced person. The essence of this mantra is taming one's ego for the sake of the greater benefit and living for each other in family. It is also the ideal way to avoid so many problems today.

Therefore, a joint family is a much better breeding ground for us. The benefits are immense, and it gives us an opportunity to give back to our family what we have taken from it: a satisfaction that one must have before leaving this earth.